A Mail to Myself

Tianyi Ma
17:44 (1 minute ago)
to me

once upon a time there is a little girl. she’s very nice to others and liked late sunsets, pretty flowers and gentle colors. she also liked complex architectures and artworks. she doesn’t have a lot to say so she’s always quiet. she reads love stories where the girl is protected and cherished. she’s always in her head and had a pair of glasses. to her, the world is a beautiful place and everyone is kind and well-intentioned.

at some point, she changed. she started to do more what’s expected of her. she chose to study a track that’s highly regarded and got good grades. she tried to make and maintain friendships. she learned all the tricks but couldn’t keep it up after awhile. she started to silently hate the world. she never leaves her apartment anymore and she avoided people she knew on the streets. she became sick.

her story does not involve the sudden enter of her knight in a shiny armor. after being sick for a long long time, she did start make friends again. she made friends that are awkward like her, but friends who also likes pretty sunsets and gentle colors. her friends does not study a highly regarded track and does not have the best grades ever. nevertheless they’re very nice to the little girl, even though she was just being who she is. despite not being the best friends ever, she find herself enjoy the quiet comfort from her newly made friends’ company. she started taking less classes, but taking time to enjoy them. she’s still not the best at accomplishing things, nor she necessarily wants to, but she finally graduated, and managed to get a good job. she even met someone nice and married him. things seem to be going good for her.

but she didn’t take time to really understand and deal with the root of her sickness, so she relapsed, and in the process hurt her love. he’s her love and is always there for her, but he never tried to do things in place of her. she hurt him when she relapsed, but he still stayed and loved her unconditionally. she finally learned the truth of her sickness: she needs to make conscious decisions to get or sacrifice what she wants, no matter what they are. through standing by her side, he helped her grow up. after a lot, a lot of practice, she gained control of her actions. she feels powerful and anew, but still seem to love pretty fields of flowers and gentle colors and love stories, where the girl is protected and cherished.